Suicide Awareness

September is national suicide awareness month. Specifically, September 10 being World Suicide Prevention Day.

As I sit here, I am reminded of the handful of people who I knew personally, who took their own lives. I would dare say, as someone who also struggles with SI (suicidal ideations) that it is a multi-layered and intimately complex situation no one really knows how to combat in full. And I don’t know anyone who would have said this was the solution for their lives. God bless their families and loved ones. 

Just the other day, after various toppling and overbearing trials rapidly swept toward our family, I asked Albert for maybe the 1000th time in our relationship if God really loved me.  Life at that moment had become too hard. Too much. Too tiring. And without knowing what comes next, it's hard to trust in second-by-second moments. It reminds me of another blog I wrote about my time spent in a cave. My family and I needed to crouch in the darkness under stiff stalactites, the only light we had was a small flashlight that illuminated our pathway step by step. We could only see about a foot in front of us, making the next step incredibly daunting. When attempting to look ahead, all one could see was darkness and scary shadow figures. It’s hard to trust step-by-step travel, led by a spot of light on your feet, without being able to look ahead in any direction. In the end, every time we were able to stand straight in clear light, the space was even more beautiful than the spot we were in before. 

But in recent days it’s hard, for me personally, to bring to mind the promises Jesus has given me in his holy word. Or bring my gratitude and remembrance for the ways he’s rescued me before. My body rejects it, and my brain wants to rest in something easy. I imagine myself at a grocery store, seeing Jesus also shopping. I run to him, take him by his shoulders, then passionately grab his face and cry out for him to look at me. “Look me in the eyes, Jesus! Look at my face and tell me you see me! Tell me you see I’m here—I’m telling you, I can’t take this anymore!” 

Surely He knows that for me,  death doesn’t seem like a setback, it’s a reward at this point.

 And yet I remember it was Jesus’ death turned into resurrection that gave me the reward so I don’t have to do it myself.  The only real thing to hold on to through the mountainous and terrifying darkness is knowing that God’s unfailing Grace follows me to the depths of the ocean. While this earth is poisoned by sin, and circumstance, peace is freely given to those who trust His sovereignty is ultimately overflowing. 

“Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.” Romans 8:34

A friend of mine once told me, “Taking your own life is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” It’s something I have to remember when I’m shakily trying to think of the future. A future that at this moment, can’t be seen through a promising lens. 

Another analogy comes to mind. In many ecosystems, wildfires are nature's way of regenerating the earth, allowing important nutrients to re-enter the soil, and creating new habitats for plants and animals to thrive.  

However, if wildfires burn for too long, ecosystems can struggle to recover

Don’t let this be that Lord, the one that will be too hard to recover from. Come to my rescue, Jesus…again and again (just like you have before). 

And maybe just maybe, this wildfire will lead to something regenerative and pure.  

Whatever the case, I have to remember it won’t always be this way. ;

So today, I’m deciding to STAY

Psalm 27:13 says, "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living"

Dial 988 for Suicide and Crisis Lifeline

Visit 988lifeline.org for more resources

Blog Post Title Four

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.